Tuesday evening, during a guided meditation with Yael of the LIGHT Center, a lovely bar of soap was gifted to me. Leah, also of the LIGHT Center, gave me yet another highly insightful, buzz-including Reiki session on Thursday, which revealed a lot about my hypnotherapy practices, abilities, insights, as well as much about releasing toxic relationships. On the way home from that session, I realized that the bar of soap from my meditation represented the cleansing of years-old wounds of my first relationship. I moved beyond that relationship when i moved to Atlanta, but apparently I hadn’t reallyhealed the wounds.
I underwent hypnotherapy on Saturday, whereupon I sought to dig deeper into my attachment to toxic relationships. I was regressed wayyyyy back for the first time, and as a non-visual person, it was quite enlightening to “see” what it’s like… to experience how answers, memories, insight present themselves to me.
I was there with my 5-year old self… accessing the memory of an experience that would seem inconsequential to an adult; but as a vulnerable, indiscriminate child, led me to believe I could not trust my own feelings. The decision I made about that experience planted a seed. I nurtured that seed, collecting experiential evidence and telling myself the things that supported the idea. Soon, the seed germinated. It slowly grew roots and over time, set up permanent residence as a belief in my subconscious mind. This belief has repeatedly manifested in my interpersonal relationships.
… That’s how subconscious programming works.
With much introspection, I realized that when entrenched in a toxic relationship, romantic or otherwise; I have not trusted my intuition, thus stuck around far longer than any logical, feeling person would. In doing so, I’ve subjected myself to plenty of unnecessary hurt. I recognized this pattern years ago, but recognizing a pattern doesn’t change that pattern.
Last weekend, while under hypnosis, I rescued myself from that moment and told the grownups involved they were “dumbasses.” Using my adult mind, I gave myself permission to trust my feelings and ultimately, my intuition. I also decided that from then on, I will allow people to earn my trust versus simply giving it away. Again, my conscious mind knows this is the mature way to establish and build relationships, but my subconscious mind had been operating from the immature perspective of a child.
With the conscious and subconscious minds finally in agreement, the likelihood of changing this pattern increased exponentially. And for someone like me, someone with strong convictions who is highly suggestible, that likelihood became approximately 99.994%. (Yes. I made up that statistic.)…
Shortly after the hypnotherapy, I started noticing some very interesting thoughts coming to mind… thoughts I had never thought before. One literally caused me to raise a brow! Clearly, new seeds were carefully planted on Saturday and already growing come Sunday.
I am beyond thankful to have the presence of mind to be able to recognize these Presents of Mind, and I am awestruck by the amount of positive change I am experiencing in my life as a result of this training. Spectacular… truly.